God, Sex, and Cohabitation
The culture we exist within today faces tremendous disagreement about sexuality and sexual practice. There is, perhaps, more confusion and conflict in this area today than ever before. Here at The Summit, we believe that one of our most important responsibilities as a church is to help one another faithfully follow and obey Jesus with our whole lives. As a result, we think it’s important and helpful to clearly explain some of Jesus' more difficult teachings—especially those that can feel hard or countercultural today—specifically what the Bible teaches about sex, singleness, and marriage. We also believe the Bible’s teachings have practical implications for premarital sex and cohabitation today.
More Than Rules, A Vision for Life
It’s essential to understand upfront, however, that Christian sexual ethics make little sense unless we first understand the high view of sexuality that the Christian faith presents. Those looking for quick “proof texts,” either for or against certain sexual practices, will have a difficult time in some instances—not because the Bible fails to speak comprehensively and specifically about sex, but because the Bible’s handling of these matters is not systematic. It conveys them through painting a beautiful and lofty vision of God’s design for sex, singleness, and marriage over the course of the entire Bible.
Fundamentally, the Scriptures show us—starting in the very first chapters of the Bible (Genesis 1–3)—that God is the Designer of sex. It was His idea, and it is a gift that He has given to His people to enjoy within proper boundaries—specifically, the covenant of marriage. The marriage covenant is a unique relationship where man and woman experience complete and total oneness (“one flesh”) in every sense (e.g., emotional, physical, spiritual, sexual, financial, and legal), and it is intended to reflect the covenantal love we experience with God Himself when we are in right relationship with Him. It is for these reasons—among other Scriptural mandates (1 Corinthians 6, Ephesians 5, Hebrews 13)—that the only good, life-giving place for sex to occur is within the covenant of marriage. Outside of that covenant, the Scriptures show that sexual activity distorts God’s design for sex, leading us to dishonor one another and sin against Him.
Proclaiming the Way of Jesus In Our Relationships
In addition to what the Bible says about premarital sex or sex outside of marriage, we believe that the order in which we take steps toward marriage—and everything encompassed within marriage—truly matters. Our marriages (as well as our seasons of singleness, dating, and engagement) publicly proclaim important truths about our faith, God’s design, and our Christian witness.
The apostle Paul’s words here are helpful:
...there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, because these are improper for God’s holy people... For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord (Ephesians 5:3, 8-10).
These words summarize much of what the Scriptures repeatedly communicate: we, as the people of God who have been forgiven and washed clean, proclaim something radically different with our lives. The Christian life is a public life, a public witness. The way we live proclaims what we value, what we believe, and what it means to follow and obey Jesus.
Cohabitation not only invites incredible temptation to distort God’s design for sex and sin against Him, but it also proclaims a distortion of the total oneness covenant God has designed for marriage alone. Frankly, it falls short of that vision. It proclaims a partial oneness—unity in some ways, but not in all. It suggests a bodily commitment without a full-life commitment. It suggests that setting a wedding date is equivalent in God’s eyes to making marriage vows before God’s people, complete with rings, pronouncements, and legal recognition.
As lovingly and graciously as we can say, though... it’s not the same thing. You may deeply love your partner and feel overwhelmingly committed to one another, but that’s not the same as being married.
Therefore, because God designed sex to be enjoyed exclusively within marriage—and because the way we live makes significant proclamations about our faith—we believe that sex and cohabitation should wait until marriage.